Who We Are
by AZ-Valentine
Summary: With the Institute gone, Nick and Jill find themselves having a much needed heart-to-heart.


The Institute was _finally_ gone. Five months after Jill returned after saying what she thought would be her final goodbye to Shaun, the Institute attacked the Castle – the Minutemen headquarters – completely unprovoked. No one knew why they did it, or what their motivation was, but Jill guessed it had something to do with her refusal to join them. Either that, or they somehow figured out that Jill gave the Minutemen sensitive information about them. In her mind, it didn't matter anymore. She was the General of the Minutemen, and it was her job to build settlements, and keep settlers safe. The moment the Institute opened fire on them, she decided they had to be destroyed. The day she and Nick Valentine met, he'd told her that the Institute was known as the boogeyman of the Commonwealth. At the time, she didn't really believe it, but that was only until she ran through Kellogg's memories.

Now, she stood atop the Mass Fusion building at sunset, watching the Institute get wiped off the face of the Earth. Nick stood by her side, and placed an arm around her shoulders. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, shedding only a single tear. Although Nick was no psychic, he knew what she was thinking – her son was dead, but it wasn't exactly her fault. He'd made his decision, and forced her hand. He'd chosen to use violence, secrecy, slavery, unethical experiments, and corruption to aid whatever "cause" the Institute was going for. The detective knew just how strongly she felt about how they treated Synths, and how they were willing to disregard everyone that wasn't a part of their establishment. In the eyes of the Institute, the Commonwealth – and perhaps the whole rest of the world – was dead. But finally, after so many years, justice had finally been dealt. The people of the Commonwealth could _finally_ sleep soundly at night, knowing they would never again have to worry about their loved ones being murdered and replaced by a Synth.

The incredible explosion came to pass, and when the dust settled, the silence was deafening. No one spoke – no one could. The moment was quite serene for what had just happened. Nick hadn't even noticed Jill's arm wrapped around his waist until then. He knew that no matter what challenges might lie ahead of her, she would be able to face them with strength and resilience. But, that left one problem: his job was done. They found her son, and took out the biggest fearmonger of the Commonwealth. As far as he was concerned, she had no further use for him. Upon realizing this, he could have sworn he felt what could only be described as "heartbreak." The old Synth looked over his shoulder, giving Preston a curt nod. Miraculously, he understood, and headed out with the rest of the Minutemen, giving the two some much needed privacy.

"Thank you, Nick." When Jill finally spoke, her voice was soft and shaky. She sniffed once, leaning her head into his shoulder and holding his waist tighter. "I couldn't have done this without you. I...I suppose you're going back to Diamond City now, right?"

"Well...only if you want that." He looked down at her, meeting her gaze. Her brow perked up inquisitively. "I've been thinking _a lot_ about what we discussed a while back – about how you see me as a person."

"You are, Nick." Her free hand reached up to cup his face. "I mean it."

"I know you do." The detective placed his hand over hers, tilting his head into her palm. "Truth is, Jill, I...I don't think I want to go back."

"I'm surprised. I thought you'd be itching to be done with me by now."

" _Are you kidding me?_ " The old Synth was incredulous. "After all we've done? Everything we've been through together to get to where we are now?"

"I'm sorry." Jill laughed quietly, almost sounding shy. "You know me so well at this point, I just sort of expected you to want to wash your hands of me once this was all over." Before Nick could retaliate, she placed a finger over his lips, releasing her grip on his waist and turning to face him fully. "I have only one tiny, fragmented memory of my life before Vault 111. It's not enough to tell me who I was, or what I did in that life. I don't remember _a thing_ about my husband...and...sometimes, I wonder if I ever really knew him at all. The person you've come to know is, for all I know, not at all who I used to be. I don't even know if this is who I _really_ am."

"Jill." Nick took her hand gently, clasping both of his around it. "If there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that you are who you _choose_ to be. For the longest time, I thought I was just living a continuation of the real Nick Valentine's life. But the truth is, I was just loaded up with his memories, and I only _chose_ to live the kind of life he did. I didn't have to, I suppose I just felt obligated to. That being said, you have the ability – the free will – to make your own choices. You chose to lead the Minutemen, destroy the Institute, and help as many people as you could along the way. And to top it all off? You chose to see this whole thing through with me by your side. You didn't really need me anymore after you got to the Institute and found Shaun, but I never wanted to go home, and you never sent me away. The way I see it, there's no one else I'd rather wander the Commonwealth with."

Somehow, the two had gotten closer to one another throughout their conversation, both physically and emotionally. Nick was beginning to feel the jittering in his brain again, the pulses through his nervous system, and the waves of heat in his chest. He couldn't understand it, but he felt a sudden and inexplicable need to close the gap between them. For only the second time, their lips met. But this time, he was the one to initiate the kiss. Jill sighed softly, leaning into him as she wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to coil his around her waist. The Synth tilted his head slightly, allowing their lips to lock. He let out a low, muffled groan at the sensation. It was all but completely out of his control.

" _Mm...Nick..._ " Jill breathed, kissing the detective again, this time harder and more feverishly. He could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she was pressed flush up against him. His hands freely roamed her back; his breathing becoming further erratic with each time she pulled back slightly, and then sent her lips forward upon his again. Jill moaned quietly in response to his tender affection, leaning further into him, pressing his back to the wall of the Mass Fusion building. She made it perfectly clear that she wanted to be as close to him as possible. Rubbing the back of his head, she nearly knocked his hat off. Nick caught it, lowering it so his head was exposed.

"Jill..." He tapped his forehead to hers, making eye contact. "Do you really not care that I'm an obsolete Synth? A discarded prototype?"

"Come on...you should know the answer to this by now." The Vault Dweller gave him a pouty look. Her half-shut, peridot eyes gleamed in the fading sunlight. She gazed at him longingly before kissing him again. The Synth readily returned her affection, more than happy to slide his fingers through her raven hair, sighing blissfully. How could one person make him feel this way? How was it possible he could feel like this at all?

Lowering his head, Nick cleared his throat and smiled slightly. "Maybe I just want you to explain it to me again."

"Explain what, sweetheart?" The detective's eyes opened wide at her calling him by a pet name. He would have blushed had it been possible. Jill must have realized this, as she giggled, raising an eyebrow. "You've sat through many, _many_ of my ramblings."

"Yeah, and the longer I know you, the more most of them actually make sense." He paused, unsure of exactly how to say what needed to be said. "You know...you've made me feel more like a person than anybody else. Even all the friends I've made living in Diamond City have never been so...comfortable? I don't know the best word for it. They've always treated me like a person, but I've never really felt so close to being one before. I suppose I...well...you didn't lose me like I said you did. I understood what you were trying to say, but I didn't really want to believe it. I want to believe it now, Jill. Please, explain it to me again."

"Oh, Nick...I don't think I need to." Her smile charmed the old detective yet again. Curious of what she would tell him this time, he waited for her to continue. Her voice lowered, becoming somewhat suave. "Take your time, and really think about this for a moment: What do you _feel_ right now?"

His first thought was to tell her he was clueless, but he instead inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment to think. His mechanical brain continued to jitter, his artificial nervous system pulsed with electricity, and the heat in his chest radiated outward. The electricity and heat had intensified every time they kissed. In fact, he recalled quite a few times during their travels that he had felt the same strange sensations occur. It usually happened when they shared deep and meaningful conversations, which happened rather frequently in the company of someone as odd as Jill. On other occasions, it struck him when catching her in a certain light – the moon, stars, sunrise and sunset, and even in the soft glow of embers from a spent campfire.

In a fraction of a second, his mind zoned in on his faithful companion. Jill was definitely an odd woman. When she wasn't tearing up the scum of the Commonwealth, she indulged herself in deep thought and meditation. Her favorite thing to do, aside from reading any intact Pre-War books she could find, was to scout out the highest vantage points she could, and camp out on them for a few nights to stargaze. She'd crafted a makeshift telescope; although Nick knew it wasn't an ordinary astronomical device. He'd seen her disassemble the mechanism on multiple occasions to clean it. Some of the inner components appeared to have glowing veins running through their smooth, metallic black surfaces. Almost every time she cleaned it, the veins glowed a different color – and it normally seemed to vary based on her most recent moods.

Nick thought of all the times she attempted to explain how the telescope worked, and how she made it. Sadly, he just couldn't understand. Her detailed scientific chatter sometimes jumped too far past his comprehension. All he knew, was that when the telescope glowed a faint blood red, it was best to leave her alone for a bit to let her cool off. When it was greenish-yellow, she was bouncing around different questions in her mind. But it was always when the beautiful, yet shockingly alien material turned a rosy-pink color, that she was feeling affectionate. Those were always the nights that they would curl up together, either in a bed or by a fire, and simply enjoy one another's company. Sometimes, he'd thought about wanting to make love to her, only to be disappointed upon the realization of his physical incapability.

Nick smiled to himself; the more he thought about her, the more he appreciated the memories they'd already made together. He recalled their first meeting in Vault 114. Jill was darkly beautiful – slender yet fit, with short, ominously black hair, piercing light green eyes, and porcelain skin. She walked with an air of confidence while wielding her laser musket – and like his very own guardian angel, she pulled him out of Hell and brought him back to the surface. He always counted himself incredibly lucky that he had enough good fortune on his side to be rescued by her.

The Synth's eyes snapped open, and he met Jill's gaze. Epiphany hit him like a freight train. He loved her. But how? "I don't understand..." His voice trailed off, indicating his confusion, and an underlying fear of...of what? Clearly, it was something else he just couldn't explain.

"What don't you understand?" Patiently, she waited for him to get his bearings. He must have looked like he was about to have a meltdown.

"Jill, I...I love you. I just- _Mm!_ " She kissed him firmly, earning an excited moan from the confused, and slightly overwhelmed detective.

"I love you too, Nicky." She kissed him several more times, clearly eager to continue giving him her affection. When she stopped, she was rubbing the back of his head with her thumb, her lips still grazing his. "Don't you understand? This is your defining feature...your capacity for love. It separates you from machinery. Love _isn't_ something that can be copied from a memory, or programmed by computers. It's not even something I can confidently say I understand. This is part of what I was telling you. You think and feel, just like everybody else. You are sentient and self-aware. You have needs and desires..." She paused, sliding her finger under his chin while giving him an alluring smile. He shuddered, a jolt of electricity shooting down his spine. "...just like myself."

Jill continued, getting even more handsy with the detective. He enjoyed it, wanting her to keep touching him. "Pre-war Nick Valentine was a template for you to follow, my sweet. You learned from him how to be human, but you experienced life for yourself, as an individual, and shaped yourself into who you are today. Although I have no scientific evidence to back me on this theory, I believe something extraordinary happened when you were created. I think combining whatever AI technology the Institute was using with the essence of an intelligent, biological mind caused the creation of a soul – of _you_."

"It's difficult to explain, other than it was an unforeseen symbiosis...Nick Valentine isn't the body made of machinery, no, no, no...Nick Valentine _is_ the symbiosis – the _synthesis_ – of an intelligence created by computers, and the brain of a human being. The brain is the center of all the electrical activity in a human body. Biologically created energy that channels the soul – the temporary owner of a physical form. Don't ask how I know souls are real. I have no tangible proof. It's just a feeling. It's just a feeling, and something I've thought about _a lot._ "

"So...you think I'm a new soul? Created unintentionally by a synthesis that the Institute didn't think all the way through?"

"Judging by the way they treated you and your kind, no...they didn't think it through at all. They were, for the most part, cold and calculating scientists. But _you_..." She leaned back, cupping his face in both hands. "You're living proof...all the proof I need to know the truth." She kissed him once more, tenderly this time. "I'm yours, Nick."

"And I'm yours." It finally began to make sense to him. Slowly but surely, after replaying their conversation in his mind five or six times, he started to understand. He'd thought he comprehended enough after the two brought down Eddie Winter, but he realized he was wrong. Finally, he could accept that he was his own person – an individual created by unfortunate circumstances, but an individual nonetheless.


End file.
